I need help!!

Ok...I need all the help I can get! I will start out by saying I am the one with the problem and I am going to have to be the one to make changes in the relationship....but I need some concrete advise as to HOW to change! I have this wonderful and extremely challenging blessing...her name is Laila. I love her with all my heart. I admire her courage, I ponder on her strength, and I am amazed by her desire to help and serve everyone around her. And yet, I can't see eye to eye with her! Part of our struggles are that we are so much alike! We are both incredibly stubborn and will go to the end of the world and back to prove our point! I am sure I have taught her some of these traits..and hopeful that she comes by them genetically as well! (I can't take all the credit!) It is becoming a daily struggle to be kind to her...and it kills me to admit that! One or both of us is constantly in tears...and her daily "line" is .."you don't love me anymore"! As an adoptive mother you never want to hear this...I try so hard to express my love to her and I am so afraid it's not enough. Please, if you have any advise for me..I am desperate!